In the Hospital
by TiggerFace
Summary: Johanna panics, remembers, and muses. Slight tinge of (one-sided) Joniss at the end. Mostly just a boring piece about me trying to pin her character down.


I own nothing, A.N. at the end

* * *

Even now she couldn't think about it. Finnick had asked her, gently of course, and she had sent him away without an answer. His kicked puppy expression and assurance that they didn't have to talk about it failed to sway her – he had already mentioned it when she didn't want him to and even if it was a question born out of concern for her well being it was still crossing a line.

For some reason it hadn't occurred to her that they would use water. District 13 wasn't supposed to be as cruel as The Capitol so she had assumed when they said weakness they were talking mostly physical ones, not psychological. She had been far from prime form, but her physical fitness was much better than on her arrival so she had been confident she could overcome whatever obstacle they gave her. The instant the streets had flooded her mind shut down. She was back in that room, the room that had no smells beyond her burnt flesh, no sights other than four sterile walls, and only ever echoed with the sound of her or Peeta's screams. She thought she had been rescued, had gotten away from them but it had all been a cruel trick. They had faked her escape and it had worked. What had she told them when she thought she was talking to the rebels? Had she revealed enough that they knew how to destroy the underground city? How to counteract the rebel plans? Hands had grabbed her and she knew she was done for. She had fucked up, had revealed everything they wanted to know because they had tricked her. When torturing her hadn't worked they played mind games with her, made her think she was safe when she had still been in her hands all along. And now they were keeping her alive, hooked up to morphling, being kept around long enough so that she could see the fall of the rebellion and they could laugh at her.

Except a person was standing in front of her with a bundle held out. She blinked, once, twice, Katniss Everdeen slid into focus. She was safe, she wasn't at The Capitol, she was in District 13, Finnick had just been here and that bastard had sent her into another flashback. One that was initially triggered by the rebels playing mind games with her by flooding the streets. She was drugged so she wouldn't panic or injure herself or others, although it wasn't totally working. Swallowing down her anger and confusion she looked at the bundle and asked what it was.

_Pine needles. _She had forgotten about them. The Capitol had taken _everything _from her. Her loved ones were dead, her axes were murder weapons, her comfort and security from being a victor had been stripped away, her psychological well being was gone. She couldn't even use her nudity as a weapon anymore, something she had started doing when she realized that and abundance of clothes and finery were expected in The Capitol and so the exact opposite – her bare skin – must be discomforting to people. She had been right and it had become a weapon, then a tool. She knew men stared at her naked, but she was more interested in the women that did and when their eyes caressed her body, her hands would later caress them in return. Nudity had been her weapon and her friend until they had captured and tortured her, stripping her down and leaving burns and scars she hated seeing and removing the sense of safety, control, and power it gave her.

But Katniss had found her something, something they hadn't touched. It had been so long since she had been around trees and when she arrived in 13 she was too focused on proving herself. Now she could do nothing but wait to be released and in the mean time Katniss had brought her one more thing that she could have that wasn't marred by The Capitol.

She grabbed The Mockingjay, extracted a promise that Snow would be killed, then watched her walk off while still holding the bundle to her face. The gift would help tremendously. She could already tell that it would be the best way to pull herself out of episodes, and while it wasn't the gift she had necessarily _wanted _from the other girl, it was good enough for now. A small smile flickered around her mouth. Katniss' eyes had lingered. It hadn't been the caress she was looking for, but they had lingered and on two separate occasions. She would recover from this, would become the badass Johanna Mason once more. And once she got there she would keep working on The Mockingjay, would show her there was more to life than men and that star crossed lovers are only real if they come from different districts.

* * *

So the ending got awkwardly predatory(?) almost, which wasn't really the intention but Johanna has always struck me as such a gay character and there has to be a tinge of Queer in everything in my life so that happened. Oops. Sorry about any mistakes, I gave myself an hour to write this as I have a gym to get to and finals to do so it was read over like once and the ending got kinda rushed (as you can tell). It got away from me a little bit, felt like I was losing focus on what it was supposed to be about but I wanted to prove I didn't just waste an hour of my life. It may be taken down, we'll see.


End file.
